|
 |
Authors: Pia Mellody, Andrea Wells Miller, J. Keith Miller
ASIN : 0062505890
Sales Rank : 1903
Studio : HarperOne
Binding : Paperback
EAN : 9780062505897
ISBN : 0062505890
Number Of Pages : 226
Publication Date : December 14, 1989
Publisher : HarperOne
Manufacturer : HarperOne
Availability : Usually ships in 24 hours
Label : HarperOne
| Pia Mellody creates a framework for identifying codependent thinking, emotions and behaviour and provides an effective approach to recovery. Mellody sets forth five primary adult symptoms of this crippling condition, then traces their origin to emotional, spiritual, intellectual, physical and sexual abuses that occur in childhood. Central to Mellody's approach is the concept that the codependent adult's injured inner child needs healing. Recovery from codependence, therefore, involves clearing up the toxic emotions left over from these painful childhood experiences.
| |
December 16, 2007.
Dr Laura.
Rating: 5
Dr Laura gives down to earth excellent recommendations. It is just that most of us are too selfish to follow them. The recommendations are simple common sense solutions to marriage problems that we in our selfishness try to make into difficult solutions. Instead of thinking of our children's welfare we are only concerned with our own. We have our priorities in the wrong place. We need to grow up and become responsible adults.
December 13, 2007.
Proper Care and Feeding of Marrisge.
Rating: 4
I found quite a few hints and tips to use. Couldn't get my husband to even look at it tho.
December 25, 2007.
a feminist take on Dr. Laura.
Rating: 3
Dr. Laura is not a popular personality in many circles, to say the least. She's anti-choice, anti-feminist and anti-gay. So imagine my surprise when I picked up her latest book, The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage, and discovered that I actually found some useful advice in it.
First of all, a disclaimer: I am not endorsing her political beliefs. And I admit she makes it difficult to get past her gratuitous rants about feminism. (Sample: "Chivalry is largely dead, and feminism is the murderer.") But please bear with me, because the fact is, Dr. Laura is not as crazily sexist as she first appears.
Her basic gist is that you should put your husband first, make him feel loved and be the kind of person that your husband would want to come home to at night. Those tips can be useful reminders, especially if you're the kind of person who plans so many extra-curricular activities that you hardly see your partner unless you schedule a rendezvous.
A newlywed myself, I tried following her advice for a week, and found that I did actually quite enjoy it. So did my husband. I took care of him more, made sure to "snuggle" at night and even cooked dinner. (I had my limits, though -- we still shared cleaning and shopping duties.) Dr. Laura even gets a little, well, dirty, which won't be a surprise to those who have read about her pre-fame nude photos. She advocates buying sex toys, naughty lingerie and even a Brazilian wax. Does that sound like conservative family values to you?
If you can flip past her snide comments, the book can be quite useful -- but you may want to look for a used copy to avoid funding her soapbox.
December 09, 2007.
The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage.
Rating: 4
For a Marriage to work you both need to be working together and headed in the same direction and working for the same goals. Is you don't all of the Books in the world will not help a marriage. But if you work together, I think most marriages can overcome the problems, challenges, or hard times. Remember it is not greener on the other side of the fence, it is just the other side of the fence. Don't throw it all away for what you think might be there, work hard to keep and improve what you have...
December 07, 2007.
Read this book and help your marriage.
Rating: 4
I liked this book much more than other Books I have read on having a successful marriage.(Dr. Phil, Men are from Mars, etc.). Dr. Laura pulls no punches and gets to the point with out all the fluffy emotions and long relationship stories. Her premise is that the key to a successful marriage is to continually give gifts to each of from love. Sacrifice for each other you will get back what you give. She advises that this will work wonders if you are married to a normal reasonable person. If you are not, and have married a truly bad person, you should run, and run quickly at the very, very beginning. However once kids are involved she strongly recommends staying in the marriage if at all possible for the sake of the kids until they are 18. I agree with her in principle, but I could not do this, another decade with my ex was more than I could bear. The big point of the book is old fashioned in the fact that men should be masculine and women should be feminine with all the role appropriate behavior that entails. Women should respect and appreciate their husbands if they are working hard to support the women so they can stay home with the children, and not be self centered. Men should treat their wife like a queen, and women should treat their man like a king. Dr. Laura always suggests looking with in for selfishness whenever a spouse denies their partner anything reasonable. This book is a wake up call for many of us whiners. Everyone will get some great advice that will help them in their marriage.
December 15, 2007.
Wonderful Guide.
Rating: 5
This book is outstanding. I was very impressed with the contents of the book and I strongly recomend it.
December 14, 2007.
Great Wedding Gift.
Rating: 5
I gave this book to my daughter who is getting married in June. It is a book that every woman and man should keep handy for referral when they need to put love back into perspective in their life. Great author...all his Books are life guides.
December 07, 2007.
If you're ready to change your life, read this book.
Rating: 5
I read this book over and over again, and then bought the audio book to play in my car. You have to be willing to really listen and absorb what is said, which is simple and forthright. I felt this book addressed so many of my problems, and made me see them in a new light. I have made life changes because of this book and they are all for the good. I highly recommend it to anyone who wants to be happier in his/her own life. It WILL make a difference.
December 18, 2007.
nice.
Rating: 4
This is a nice book with some really good thoughts and insights, not to take too seriosuly though.
December 16, 2007.
Wonderful insights!.
Rating: 5
Don Miguel Ruiz is a refreshing and deep source of enlightenment!
Get all his books!
December 12, 2007.
Best Book on Relationships.... EVER.
Rating: 5
This book literally changed my life. I read A LOT and have read many self-help books. David Schnarch has a way of connecting with you right from the start and his real-life examples are a way of helping you to realize that every couple has issues to deal with.
I have recommended this book to so many friends for so many reasons and no one has been disappointed with it. As a matter of fact they are now recommending it to their friends. Don't miss out on a chance to make your marriage/life/relationship better and more fulfilling.
December 06, 2007.
Ambiguous, disappointing.
Rating: 1
The key concepts of this guide to marriage are: 1. that low-desire and high-desire are equally valid, 2. that the low-desire partner controls what happens in the bedroom and, 3. that the high-desire partner has to become more "differentiated", able to "self-sooth" [masturbate?] and thus become emotionally detached from the other's behaviour.
Schnarch claims that almost every couple attending his workshops, subsequently enjoys more satisfying and more frequent sex. Yet, if the author were correct in his assertion that low-desire and high-desire are equally valid, a similar number of couples would have been satisfied with the status quo or with even less intimate, less frequent sex.
While Schnarch correctly states that the low-desire partner controls the bedroom, he fails to draw the obvious conclusion: That, if the low-desire partner is not interested in changing, not interested in taking steps towards a more satisfying relationship, the strategy for the high-desire partner may be to reverse roles by becoming the low-desire partner, thus taking control away from the low-desire partner.
For most high-desire partners, the only way to achieve this is to find fulfilment elsewhere, probably in the arms of another.
Hardly a recipe though, for "keeping love and intimacy alive in committed relationships."
In summary: While helping some couples towards a better marriage, this book fails to live up to its claim, that one partner can necessarily mend the relationship without cooperation from the other.
December 05, 2007.
the best relationship book.
Rating: 5
This book is an essential book for couples and for therapists. What I got from reading this book was that the best thing couples can do for their relationship is to keep on growing as an individual and to develop the ability to self-soothe, and to manage the aggression in the relationship. People often have the notion that passion dies as the novelty wears off, but this book asserts that physical intimacy is actually most possible in relationships that are long-term, monogamous, and high in emotional intimacy. I like the openness, candor, and hopefulness in this book, and can't recommend it highly enough.
December 29, 2007.
Passionate Marriage: Love, sex, and intimacy in Emotionally commited Relationships.
Rating: 5
I loved this book!! I read it first and then my wife did. We learned tons and it has opened up our sex life so much! Being raised in an emotionally closed family, this book taught me how to open up and tell and show my wife that i love her.
December 29, 2007.
Much to offer, if you can get past how staged it is!.
Rating: 4
This book has done wonderful things for my husband and I. Dr. Schnarch's approach is unique, but it makes a lot of sense. The hypothetical sessions are a bit staged and hard to believe, which can be difficult to read through. But the messages and major themes Schnarch arrives at by the end of each chapter make the book absolutely worthwhile. Warning: don't use this as a substitute for marriage or relationship counseling if your relationship is in trouble. Use this as a supplement to keep you on track between sessions.
December 24, 2007.
Not so great for parents, maybe good for professional counselors and such.
Rating: 2
This book contains a lot of psycho babble. It seems to be written mostly for professional family counselors and psychologists and such. For them it might be useful, but if you're a "normal" parent (meaning not working in such a field) then there are better parenting Books out there that are much less opaque.
December 12, 2007.
Repetition is the key to boredom.
Rating: 2
The authors seem to spend an inordinate amount of time presenting their credentials to the reader, perhaps that is because they practice a soft science that does not demand data or peer review. I've only read three chapters so far, but haven't experienced any epiphanies. Here's the punchline of the book, "You know how boys do that one thing (rough house, get distracted, your favorite: _______)? Yeah, well that's normal, don't be too hard on them for it. How do we know? Because we have declared ourselves to be experts because WE'RE THERAPISTS. If I have to read the word "boys" one more time I'm gonna vomit, it's beginning to sound dirty.
December 12, 2007.
good book for people who are not psychologists.
Rating: 5
This book helped me understand the boys and men in my life a bit better. It wasn't filled with too much technical jargon and had many stories from the authors than helped illustrate their points.
December 01, 2007.
Strong by Gender: The missing factor of Nurture .
Rating: 5
The title of this book says a monumental truth.
In virtually all societies, throughout time, BOYS are raised to be strong, and any variance of that is "A Problem". The Problem, however, is strongly rooted in the society a boy is raised. There is no common factor other than the basic issue that BOYS become MEN, and MEN RULE THE WORLD.
Thustly boys are, in virtually all societies, ethnic and religious, economic and existential, boys are generally drained of their "emotional body" as they grow, and by the age which their social realm dictates, are honed into the male image of the culture they are raised.
Far too many boys, over all the world, in all situations, are neglected EMOTIONALLY as they grow up, resulting in strong men who make up the warriors, regardless of their eventual position and place in life.
It is all too common that the basic emotional needs of young boys are neglected, even refused, often brutally, in an effort to "make them strong". It's been going on since the dawn of time.
As society fragments into far more complex expressions for both male and female role-models, something that has been changing since the Rennaissance, boys, despite their diversification in potential, have generally been either brutalized into uniformity, or segmented, eventually compartementalized into roles dictated by local moral, religious or financial revenues.
"Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys" tackles an age-old problem with great insight, and while there are no common solutions, there are ways of thinking that can help raise boys in a way that is "Complete".
December 27, 2006.
An honest look at how we treat boys.
Rating: 5
You might read the back cover of this book and think, "oh, this doesn't apply to me.". But anyone parenting or spending time with children should have a look. It helps you (or rather, it's helping me) step back and realize how subtle ways that we interact with children have lasting repercussions. For instance, how we might respond to a boy when he says "oh look, that kid over there is crying" vs. our response to a girl. Studies show that we'd steer the boy away, distract him, move on to something different. But to a girl, we encourage her to help, to be sympathetic, and engage in a discussion about what happened.
Towards the end, the authors offer some suggestions on how to tap into the emotional side of our boys, how to develop modes of communication that can last through adolescent years and into adult hood. I find them useful, and hope that my husband and I are & continue to use them.
December 17, 2007.
Opened my eyes!.
Rating: 5
I'm only 22 but from a very young age I have been fascinated by pregnancy and childbirth. I picked up this book on a whim and ended up carrying it around with me for several days until I had read every word. This book is invaluable. Every woman who is thinking about getting pregnant, even women who aren't, women who are pregnant, woamn who have had kids, nurses, doctors, doula's, midwives, and even men all NEED to read this book. This book will make you feel like your body is capable of anything and I believe one of the major factors in the increase in medical interventions now days is that woman are afraid and doubtful and to make matters worse, they have nothing to tell them otherwise. This is a GREAT read and very informative.
December 12, 2007.
The #1 book I recommend to all of my clients.
Rating: 5
I am a doula and childbirth educator. when this book came out I was pregnant with my 2nd daughter. I couldn't wait to pick it up each day to read more beautiful birth stories of women who wanted a better start for their children. Ina May explains so beautifully how the female body works and most importantly the mind body connection. After reading this book it became obvious to me the tremendous power of our bodies and what they're capable of doing. I have a new found sense of confidence because of my abilities as a woman and having given birth at home twice now. Every woman should feel that confident in herself and her body.
December 09, 2007.
Wow.
Rating: 5
This book is amazing. I bought it a few weeks before the birth-center birth of my second child to remind myself about the process. I am so glad I did. I feel empowered, ready, and downright excited.
If you are someone (male or female) who is frightened about childbirth, please buy this book. I only wish I'd found it sooner to give to my friends who bought into the "you have to have an elective epidural/c-section to live through the trial of childbirth" mindset of their OBGYNs.
Ina May Gaskin - YOU ROCK! THANK YOU.
December 26, 2007.
Thank you, Ina May.
Rating: 5
I have two groups of friends who have recently given birth: the ones that hire midwives and give birth at home or in a birthing center with no medication, and those who had epidurals and would have had c-sections if it had been up to them. Knowing that my body's been created by God to give birth, this was a refreshing book to read. I was classified as high risk pregnancy, so a home or birthing center birth was not an option. However, when my OB started to insist on a c-section (even after the perinatologist said I could give birth vaginally), I found another doctor (at 37 weeks!!). The way I felt about my body after I read this book was that it was powerful, and that childbirth is a natural, beautiful experience to be celebrated, not a disease to be treated. Along with the Hypnobirthing method, the confidence and relaxation I gained by reading this book helped my 3-hour labor (FIRST BABY!). I did use a half dose of pain medicine (because baby was in distress and needed to be monitored, so I had to be on my back or side), but not an epidural, and I am so glad, because there is NOTHING like that beautiful urge to PUSH baby out!
I also learned that it's OKAY to eat during labor, especially if I need to! The hospital did not allow me to, but my husband and I brought granola bars and crackers, and every time I got hungry, he would sneak a snack into the bathroom for me to eat while I was in there. I think this also contributed to my shorter labor.
December 21, 2007.
The Resource For Women Who Seek Truth or Unmedicated Birth.
Rating: 5
This is an important and wonderful resource for pregant women, birth caregivers and families...everyone!
There is so much great information and it is fun to read. Great Shower Gift Especially for someone who is "hoping for" a natural birth. This book gives the reins back to the birthing women, where they belong, through truth and information.
December 05, 2007.
A Positive Book for Parents in Need.
Rating: 5
I think The No-Cry Discipline Solution is a valubale book for all parents. It turns discipline into a postivie experience for parent and child and that is no small feat. Unlike many parenting Books that leave parents feeling confused and inadequate, this book leaves you with a sense that you CAN reach your child and discipline lovingly, creating a peaceful home environment for everyone.
Pantley takes us on an important journey to help us find ease and comfort as parents and she first dispels many parenting and discipline myths that often leave parents confused and feeling inadequate. By learning about these myths and acknowledging that they exist in your life you can then move forward and learn effective NEW ways to raise your children.
I think this book is a good read for all parents and especially those that are sometimes frustrated with how they see themselves interacting with their children. Parenting skills and discipline skills can always be improved upon and this book is a great place to start and maybe by following Pantley's advice more parents can find ways to discipline without tears, with less frustration, and with more peace among all members of the family.
December 05, 2007.
Elizabeth Pantley, Outstanding author does it again!.
Rating: 5
Elizabeth Pantley has done it again. Her new book The No-Cry Discipline Solution is an awesome book. I have tried new things that she recommends in the book and they have actually worked. I have bought all of Elizabeth's Books and they have all helped in our family. This book is so enjoyable to read, I have read it twice and everytime I read it I learn new things. Thank you Elizabeth for your wonderful advice in helping me to tackle different discipline situations with my children, and also thank you for all the other Books too. This is a book to keep at hands reach. I can't wait for your next book. I would recommend this book to all parents that want to discipline their children with love and understanding.
All of Elizabeth Pantley's Books are very warm, supportive and encouraging. Elizabeth Pantley gives a lot of practical tips for lots of different situations that we as parents at times have to encounter.
Thank you again!!!!!!
December 05, 2007.
This lady knows her stuff!.
Rating: 5
The day I bought this book, I was in the book store looking for another title (similar content). I saw the cover and immediately recognized it as Elizabeth Pantley's. As I had read two of Elizabeth Pantley's Books previously and had found them all to approach the challenges of parenting in a nurturing and loving way, I picked up her book and abandoned my original title. She did not disappoint. She clearly indicates in her Books that she will provide you with different strategies as there is no "one size fits all" solution to any of the challenges we parents face. One is able to take what fits their family and leave the rest and never does this book (or the others of her's I have read) make you feel like a bad parent for not having thought of it yourself.
December 18, 2007.
Stressed parents--this is a must-read.
Rating: 5
Even the best mothers in the world have experienced her child's tantrum, public misbehaving or some other seemingly uncontrollable behavior problems. Elizabeth Pantley is a mother and an expert on raising children. In her latest book The No-Cry Discipline Solution, she shows us simple tricks that we can use every day to avoid behavioral problems and deal with them if they do appear.
Pantley lets us see the world through our children's eyes and helps us understand why our children act the way they do. They do not throw tantrums because they hate us and want to make our lives miserable. They do it because they have limited capabilities of showing us their needs and understanding their own emotions. The author shows us how to avoid judging our child's behavior by our adult standards and seeing them from our grown-up perspective. Instead she shows children as innocent and often quite egocentric human beings who need a lot of direction and help to reach their full potential and become well- mannered and responsible adults themselves.
The book is very warm and supportive. The author does not point fingers, she does not expect us to know everything right after the baby is born and, finally, she does not expect anyone to be perfect. The layout is very clear and helpful. The book is divided in short and comprehensive chapters that explain the children's behavior patterns and how to deal with them in the wisest and more efficient way. The author gives a lot of practical tips for many situations that we as parents may encounter.
I found the book very helpful and encouraging. I have used it many times as a guide, and I'm sure it's going to be one of the Books that is going to be passed from hand to hand and from one mother to another.
Armchair Interviews says: This is a perfect and very concise source of knowledge for both new and more experienced parents.
December 15, 2007.
Attention all Human Parents!.
Rating: 5
Finally someone wrote a book about discipline in a way that doesn't proselytize or point fingers. It merely points out what we can do while loving our children to bits. Reading this book is like receiving a warm embrace from a dear friend. Elizabeth Pantley's tone is nonjudgmental, her approach down-to-earth. You will love it for its nurturing, honest flavor. The No-Cry Discipline Solution is a gift to every parent who suffers from guilt and shame for being (gasp!) human.
--Christine Louise Hohlbaum, parenting humorist and author of Diary of a Mother: Parenting Stories and Other Stuff and Sahm I Am: Tales of a Stay-at-Home Mom in Europe.
December 12, 2007.
So Happy To Have Found This Book.
Rating: 5
This book fills a definite void in parenting literature. It contains a collection of perspectives from people who are dealing with raising children in mixed or nonreligious households. It covers topics like dealing with mixed beliefs, death and consolation, values, holidays, community, and critical thinking. It is not prescriptive in that you won't find a set answer for any topic but rather a variety of viewpoints and shared experiences from those who are dealing with them now or have dealt with them as they were raising their own children. It provides the background and resources to adopt those strategies that you feel are right for you or adapt your own. It has been great for me in thinking about issues and developing ideas with my husband as we are planning to start our family.
December 07, 2007.
Mercer Contribution Is Tops!.
Rating: 5
Jean Mercer's essay in this book is worth the price alone. A developmental psychologist, Mercer explains how moral development occurs -- for believers and non-believers. This is an eye-opener treatment that I wish I had been able to read years ago when I was first a parent. This book would make an excellent gift for new parents.
December 28, 2007.
Wonderful book for atheist non-parents too!.
Rating: 5
I just got married a couple of months ago and I got this book because me and my wife want children in the future and I am an atheist and she doesn't know what she believes. She still believes in an after-life and I don't. So, after talking to some people on the bulletin board for this book, I saw that it has essays for people in my situation. I thoroughly loved this book from cover to cover! It is very interesting simply from a sociological point of view. But, being an atheist and having a non-religious/spiritual wife, I feel much more comfortable with the idea of being a parent after reading this book now that I know there are many people out there with my situation. BUY THIS BOOK!
December 28, 2007.
Finally a group of parents I can relate to.
Rating: 5
This Parenting book was a breath of fresh air for me. I was so relieved to find this group of authors who had many of the same challenges as I do in raising my children. It was a fantastic read and has become a well used reference book.
I recommend this book to ANY parent.
December 27, 2007.
THE BLIND LEADING THE BLIND.
Rating: 1
Your kid asks "why?" you answer "dunno"....and then ""Let's look it up together" (p. 181)" your kid says "nah....if you dont know by now how are we going to find it together?....I am going out on my skateboard."
Moral and intellectual relativism is useless.
December 15, 2007.
General tips aimed at a specific problem..
Rating: 4
The good thing about this book is that it identifies a problem that few popular selfhelpbooks target indepth. The only other book that comes to my mind is Robin Norwoods bestseller: "Women who love too much". It deals with a certain aspect of codependency, although Norwood doesn't use the word codependency as far as I know.
The thing I liked less is the authors personal approach. She wrote this book from her own perspective. It has fire because of that, but I feel it lacks objectivity, statistics, links to other empirical studies. What worked for her need not work for someone else.
The author's emphasis on the belief in a Higher Power as an important part of the recovery process is, to my Dutch atheistic eyes, something that makes the book very foreign.
Pia Mellody gives common sense advice on how to deal with the problem, but the advice is rather general. She often gets listy, offering rather abstract checklists.
All in all, a good book, but it wasn't the one that helped me most. I liked "an Adult Child's guide to What's Normal" slightly better.
December 30, 2007.
a great start to unravelling.
Rating: 5
this is a great book for any who, like myself, want to know not only the "how to" of fixing unhealthy repeatitive themes in our lives, but the "why" and "where" of how it all came to be in the first place. she goes over the various types of abuse that encompass far more than the obvious physical beatings and sexual molestation but emotional, intellectual and spiritual as well, and describes how people who are neglected or abused in these ways develop into adults. for those who are steadfastly seeking healing, an accompanying workbook "breaking free" offers exercises for self-exploration and growth.
December 30, 2006.
MUST READ.
Rating: 5
This is the first book on codependence that really relates to me. It's like reading my life story and it helps to understand why I am like I am. If your childhood was more about taking care of your parents than them taking care of you, this is a must read.
December 12, 2006.
codependency recovery.
Rating: 4
This book is fabulous. I am recovering from being codependent. It has been a struggle but I am very proud of the work I have done. This book has helped me understand so much about the problems of codependency. I highly recommend it.
December 01, 2006.
An enlightening book!.
Rating: 5
This book was recommended by my therapist. It opened my eyes to a few things I did not see before. It helps you put words and faces to things you see and experience. It is very enlightening and helpful!! I would highly recommend it for anyone. It helps you to see and understand codependency, and ways that it manifests in our lives and childhood. It gives examples of functional and the dysfunctional. I just got the workbook that goes along with it, and am currently working on it. I give it many kudos!
|
|
Last Telecom Industry News
All about Long Distance phone calls
Conference calling service - do your business from your office!
|
|
|
|