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Author: Rachel Simmons
ASIN : 0156027348
Sales Rank : 9360
Studio : Harvest Books
Binding : Paperback
EAN : 9780156027342
ISBN : 0156027348
Number Of Pages : 320
Publication Date : December 01, 2003
Publisher : Harvest Books
Manufacturer : Harvest Books
Availability : Usually ships in 24 hours
Label : Harvest Books
| There is little sugar but lots of spice in journalist Rachel Simmons's brave and brilliant book that skewers the stereotype of girls as the kinder, gentler gender. Odd Girl Out begins with the premise that girls are socialized to be sweet with a double bind: they must value friendships; but they must not express the anger that might destroy them. Lacking cultural permission to acknowledge conflict, girls develop what Simmons calls "a hidden culture of silent and indirect aggression." The author, who visited 30 schools and talked to 300 girls, catalogues chilling and heartbreaking acts of aggression, including the silent treatment, note-passing, glaring, gossiping, ganging up, fashion police, and being nice in private/mean in public. She decodes the vocabulary of these sneak attacks, explaining, for example, three ways to parse the meaning of "I'm fat." Simmons is a gifted writer who is skilled at describing destructive patterns and prescribing clear-cut strategies for parents, teachers, and girls to resist them. "The heart of resistance is truth telling," advises Simmons. She guides readers to nurture emotional honesty in girls and to discover a language for public discussions of bullying. She offers innovative ideas for changing the dynamics of the classroom, sample dialogues for talking to daughters, and exercises for girls and their friends to explore and resolve messy feelings and conflicts head-on. One intriguing chapter contrasts truth telling in white middle class, African-American, Latino, and working-class communities. Odd Girl Out is that rare book with the power to touch individual lives and transform the culture that constrains girls--and boys--from speaking the truth. --Barbara Mackoff Book DescriptionDirty looks and taunting notes are just a few examples of girl bullying that girls and women have long suffered through silently and painfully. With this book Rachel Simmons elevated the nation's consciousness and has shown millions of girls, parents, counselors, and teachers how to deal with this devastating problem. Poised to reach a wider audience in paperback, including the teenagers who are its subject, Odd Girl Out puts the spotlight on this issue, using real-life examples from both the perspective of the victim and of the bully.
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December 09, 2007.
On the upside....
Rating: 5
What an incredible walk through our nation's schools--though only eye-opening because I didn't realize how prevalent my own experiences were among others. How sad that girlhood aggression has been labeled a "culture". On the upside, that ought to give it the attention that such destructive behavior is due. I know, I know, it's been said before: EVERY girl and her mother needs to read this.
December 02, 2007.
Good to get it out there.
Rating: 4
I think the value in this book is its ablility to open up discussions about this subject. For generations, nothing has been said about it. Parents, teachers, school administrators, nobody wanted to talk about it. Without that discussion, nothing will ever change.
Odd Girl Out is beautifully written, sometimes heart-breaking, often maddening. I would have liked to have seen the author offer more solutions to the problem, but overall, I think it is a very valuable book and would recommend it to anyone with daughters.
December 15, 2007.
Odd Girl Out---the book.
Rating: 5
Great book, very easy to read. Parents and girls should read this.
December 10, 2007.
Interesting interviews, but feels repetitive and incomplete..
Rating: 3
In Rachel Simmons' book, "Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls," she introduces us to three hundred girls from thirty schools across the country. Blasting the stereotype that girls are the kinder, gentler sex, Simmons' premise is that girls are taught to "be nice" and to "make friends," and, as a result, are unable to express anger that might destroy the façade of friendship. Because our culture does not grant girls "permission" to confront conflict directly, Simmons asserts, there exists a "hidden culture of silent and indirect aggression" consisting of "backbiting, exclusion, rumors, name-calling, and manipulation to inflict psychological pain on targeted victims." Simmons remembers how she felt when a third grader named Abby told the other girls not to play with her; she remembers her own responsibility in giving another girl the silent treatment. It is from that base of personal experience that Simmons conducted her interviews.
The book consists of Simmons interviews...many, many interviews. Over time, the interviews begin to seem mind-numbingly similar. Natalie's story, Lisa's story, Molly's story, Dina's story...each story becomes repetitive. At one point, I set the book aside for a week and found that I had lost my place. I attempted to find the exact page where I had stopped reading, but I found that it was impossible to do so. Since none of the stories stood out distinctly in my mind, I gave up my search for the "right" page; I picked a random early chapter that I knew I must have read already and resumed my reading.
I enjoyed reading the book, even given its repetitiveness problems, and with a lifetime of experience being the "odd girl out," I found it somewhat cathartic to read stories of young women who had experienced similar trauma. Simmons does some things well. Her explanation of the devastating impact of girls' aggression is compelling, and she does an excellent job of describing the dynamics of the hidden aggression. In addition, Simmons relates the various interviews in a compassionate and thoughtful manner.
Where she does not succeed, however, is in giving her readers tangible suggestions about ways to address the problems she emphasizes.
Odd Girl Out contains two hundred and seventy pages, but it is only during the last thirty of those pages that Simmons addresses possible solutions to the problems she outlines. In those thirty pages, Simmons tells readers to talk to their daughters, to tell teachers about what is happening, and to make sure that teachers take the problems seriously. Those are reasonable suggestions, but I wanted more. I did not find a plan to keep these things from happening to my young adult daughter in the first place, nor did I find a plan of action in the event these things happen to my daughter. It is not enough to recommend we talk to our daughters and to their teachers - my friends and I could suggest that plan to one another over a cup of coffee at Starbucks. Simmons has made a good first step in raising awareness of the problem. She needed to work harder, though, to provide parents and teachers with skills and with plans for action when facing these issues.
December 14, 2007.
Now I understand why some girls are suddenly so mean!.
Rating: 5
I read this book in preparation for my daughter's middle school years. I can honestly say it helped prepare me the first time she came home in distress over a friendship that had taken a negative turn. It gives insight into what might be going on in a girl's mind when she suddenly starts displaying RA tactics, and the devastating effects it has on both the aggressor and the victim.
My daughter took great comfort from this book as well as the companion book, Odd Girl Speaks Out - they helped her understand her friend's possible motives and gave her some tools to use to turn the situation around. It also helped me open up a dialogue with her school, who were very responsive. RA can be overcome, but you have to educate yourself and your community. Sometimes this has to start with the parent, not the teachers. This book is a fantastic first step.
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